last year was my last christmas, i was sure of it. (three breast cancer re currences then and counting.) to my amazement, Im here again this year - sure this one is my last holiday, too. of course, i remind myself, ive given myself 13 last summers and 13 last whatevers since i was diagnosed in 1992. which if nothing else reminds us none of us know....
sure this was my last christmas, i was in a quandary over the mountain of gifts i annually send to family and friends - should i do more this year, less? more for charity? i landed somewhere in the middle; too many gifts for some friends and family, just the ordinary ones for others, alot more charity.
now the holidays are past and i worry that i find myself going from type a to couch potato in a dangerously short period of time. soooo, like "normal" folks (or at least those who do not have terminal cancer) Im making the usual promises: we're joining the y, i seriously plan to do some volunteer work that paid work has kept me from (my excuse anyway) over the years.
Im more tired now but it's devilishly hard to sort out the cause: is it the cancer, the two weeks of whole brain radiation treatment (not nearly as fun as it sounds) or just a mental thing? no easy answers here, in fact i could comment that having cancer almost automatically means that many answers, about treatment, cause, future, etc., will remain out of grasp.
just the same, happy new year! hopefully not the last one for any of us.
