a month has passed...time to blog again?
ok, so Im a really bad blogger and I dont really have an excuse, other than procrastination, im an old fashioned non blogger type and also a little sketchy about writing about myself (instead of other more deserving individuals), which, I know, boils down to alot of bs excuses.
but anyhoo.
here's what's new with me: I got the results back from my genetic test, which was to help me determine if I had a genetic mutation that might explain my breast cancer. No, i dont. or at least not a mutation that is as yet identifiable through existing tests. I feel badly about this. why? because as any cancer patient knows, we all yearn for a REASON for our cancers, and so few of us find it. so im back in the dark again, not only in the dark but back to the blame game. Im certain that somewhere exist research studies showing that many cancer patients blame themselves for their disease. (I recall a study I wrote about years ago that listed all sorts of self blame rationales women had for their breast cancer.) in my case my breast cancer blame list goes something like this: too much wine, too many heavy duty hormone med during past fertility treatments, delayed childbearing, too poor a diet, too many nights sleeping with a light on (yes, there has been credible research showing that women who dont sleep in the dark are more prone to breast cancer), etc. I know in my heart it's ridiculous to spend much mental energy on this: cancer patients have enough going on, they don't need guilt on top of it. but I sure wish I had a genetic cause, then it would all be settled in my mind.
in other news, my right leg has swollen up, gotten red, warm, painful. (My right butt has done same, which is both funny and awful.) my docs, and i have very good docs, are torn between saying it's an infection like cellulitis (which, alas, does NOT get rid of your cellulite) or a long-delayed reaction from radiation to bone cancer in that leg last august. we're all scratching our heads over this. and just when it seems to be getting better, it gets kinda bad again. so film at 11. any of you swollen leg/butt people out there pls feel free to email me with your thoughts.
happy May!
fawn (fvrazo@phillynews.com)
but anyhoo.
here's what's new with me: I got the results back from my genetic test, which was to help me determine if I had a genetic mutation that might explain my breast cancer. No, i dont. or at least not a mutation that is as yet identifiable through existing tests. I feel badly about this. why? because as any cancer patient knows, we all yearn for a REASON for our cancers, and so few of us find it. so im back in the dark again, not only in the dark but back to the blame game. Im certain that somewhere exist research studies showing that many cancer patients blame themselves for their disease. (I recall a study I wrote about years ago that listed all sorts of self blame rationales women had for their breast cancer.) in my case my breast cancer blame list goes something like this: too much wine, too many heavy duty hormone med during past fertility treatments, delayed childbearing, too poor a diet, too many nights sleeping with a light on (yes, there has been credible research showing that women who dont sleep in the dark are more prone to breast cancer), etc. I know in my heart it's ridiculous to spend much mental energy on this: cancer patients have enough going on, they don't need guilt on top of it. but I sure wish I had a genetic cause, then it would all be settled in my mind.
in other news, my right leg has swollen up, gotten red, warm, painful. (My right butt has done same, which is both funny and awful.) my docs, and i have very good docs, are torn between saying it's an infection like cellulitis (which, alas, does NOT get rid of your cellulite) or a long-delayed reaction from radiation to bone cancer in that leg last august. we're all scratching our heads over this. and just when it seems to be getting better, it gets kinda bad again. so film at 11. any of you swollen leg/butt people out there pls feel free to email me with your thoughts.
happy May!
fawn (fvrazo@phillynews.com)
